Your tits are I can't wait for
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
