There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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