now i know why i became what i already was.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
