How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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