I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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