I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Buhtt sex?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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