We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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