Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
