Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
