I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
