she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize