I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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