hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Reggie can tackle my bush.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
