yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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