sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
