i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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