i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
