I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
