Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
