Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
