There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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