My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
