please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
