Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
