walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
be right there i have to get my cape
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