I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
