those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
