is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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