Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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