Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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