I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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