she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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