today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
