: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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