I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
