The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Life without a bra equals bliss.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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