I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
