I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
