What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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