Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
