I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
