There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
