Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Randomize
