i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
