Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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