Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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