that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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