Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
