guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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