Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
