Having a random hookup so left but love u
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
