I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
