I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
