i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
