My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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