I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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