My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
