I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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