isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sobbing to NWA
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
