i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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