hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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