I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
