ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
