go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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