Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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