My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
