Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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