just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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