I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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