Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hippo gnu deer
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
