Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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