(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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