Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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