i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
