I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He literally asked permission to hit on me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
