i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
